I don’t remember God ever not being in my life. But I do have a memory of when I first became conscious of my relationship with God. I was twelve years old, in the 7th grade at Solomon Schechter Day School of Greater Boston. A local rabbi came to speak to the middle school about kashrut and told us that keeping kosher brought one closer to God. His message deeply troubled me. I listened for as long as I could tolerate and then left the room in tears. The principal, Rabbi Herman Blumberg, followed me and kindly asked me about my tears. When I calmed down enough to speak, I told him that I was very upset by the idea that I had to keep kosher in order to be close to God. My home was not kosher and I wanted passionately to be close to God; the rabbi’s message left me broken hearted.
To my surprise, Rabbi Blumberg assured me that this was not what the rabbi meant. When I responded that I was quite confident that it is what he meant, Rabbi Blumberg said he would have the rabbi speak with me when he was done addressing the middle school. Sure enough, the rabbi came to me afterward and told me that I had misunderstood him, that people who kept kosher were not closer to God. I thanked him, but in my heart I knew his reassurance was only meant to accommodate Rabbi Blumberg. I came away from this incident with great appreciation for Rabbi Blumberg, and his validation of my relationship with God.
A few years later, when I did decide to start keeping kosher, I was careful not to assert that kashrut was a formula for spiritual attunement with the divine, a religious quid pro quo. Still, I was curious to see if some of the closeness I sought, would come about. In some ways yes; in some ways no. Kashrut became my way of making myself ready for greater closeness with God, a daily reminder that I participated in this world through a lens of Jewish choices, even on a granular level. God could still feel far away, and I’ve never forgotten the feelings of rejection that could so easily have driven me from observance altogether, even as my principal’s kindness honored the authenticity of my connection to the divine. Somehow keeping kosher allowed me to weave that connection, and my yearning for something more, into a moment-by-moment commitment that has sustained me in the paradox of religious life.
email print
Kashrut is one way to come closer to Hashem. There are many ways. In love, he is waiting for us to enter a relationship and come closer.